very bad day

First off, I missed an incredible trade due to previous human commitments:

"I am super depressed. Picked up my cousin from the airport and during that time GBTC was crashing...but quickly rebounded. I would definitely have played that rebound...Cost me $1-6K of lost high-probability opportunity for personal account...more for client accounts of course.
Sad thing is had an order to buy at the line but canceled it right before left because was definitely spooked by the premium and wanted to manually execute.
Ug, my life is over! This just doesn't occur every day--but maybe it does somewhere in the world. I suppose it's my job to find it...definitely letting the emotions get involved here but at same time can't keep missing these opportunities, it's where the money is!
BTW, my cousin/family doesn't know and we had a great conversation on the way home. Didn't think there was any point mentioning this."

It took me awhile to get over this...went to sleep. Then when woke up came back and looked at markets. Saw NVDA was not performing as expected, followed rules but let emotions take over when doing so and made a very poor exit. Lost $200-300 more than I should have. Very pathetic!

The whole reason was I panic-traded. NVDA broke the first trendline in photo, and I told myself that if this happened I'd get out. Then it traded back up...this would have been the right "get out" opportunity. I'd have a 0.50 loss compared to a 0.85 loss. Huge difference in the options world when your contract was purchased at 2.75

Trade was worth a gamble overall due to several supporting factors, but entry/exit were poor and rushed, so what could have been a profitable exit became a loss. Trading really is very sensitive, especially with options, to entry/exit. Until I get better at this, I should not be trading options methinks. Need to do some practice with the entries/exits!

I can't believe it. I betrayed myself!

I was really excited about the Verge cryptocurrency...and then I got spooked by the head coder's comments on redit.

I also thought it would keep going lower because that is what the chart was doing...and bitcoin kept going higher and I wanted a piece of the action.

Well. Those 100,000 verge that I bought for $0.005 are now worth $0.06. If I had actually went all-in and purchased 1,000,000 of them like I wanted, I would now have $60,000 as a result. And if this continues to become a major crypto currency it will likely soar to 10B in market cap...then that would have been $600,000. Literally this crypto could have made me a millionaire, but I haven't been paying the attention to the crypto markets that I should have, and I definitely didn't have the faith. In fact, I bought verge at 0.00000055 btc and sold at 0.00000049 because I thought I could likely buy it back cheaper.

Well, I hope I learn my lesson this time: these platforms can explode. Invest heavily in the most promising of them. There's no way I can make these kinds of returns by trading. It is simply impossible.

The other thing is I shouldn't have discounted it so much when verge started to rise. After all, with trading one wants to look for gainers because they will likely have more upside.

I am acting like the fox with the sour grapes in Aesop's fables. Really, it is truly pathetic. I've also been over-trading.

Heck, I was even considering developing for Verge. Because it wasn't 100% magic I dropped that idea...although not entirely. Wow.

Really, these crypto markets are the most life changing things potentially. I simply cannot believe them. This is where nearly 100% of my focus should be for most profitability potential. Wow, I cannot believe this. Just cannot believe this. We're in the vertical phase. If I can't make money now, I never could have made money. If I can't become a millionaire in this space now, I will never become one.

Cryptocurrencies must be a focus every single day.

I missed Cortano as well because I didn't jump in soon enough...didn't want to fomo, was trying to get a better price. Loser!

I mean wow. Wow, wow, wow.

Verge stated they were ready for prime time. I cannot believe how right they were. My understanding of quality needs to be calibrated, unfortunately. I don't think Tron was as good as verge actually....so now I know. Don't waste coins on speculative ICOs that have low value. Invest the money in platforms. Now is the time to be extremely aggressive, so it would appear.

It's time to change this right now. Go for it mate. You can't lose (in this market it's quite difficult!). You're invincible (if diversify holdings!)

Definitely let my internal "trade detector" steer me wrong

I am looking for these rare position trades, apparently. I had one in the bag with Eth...was watching gods must be crazy (I hardly watch movies...maybe 1-a-month?) and SAW it bottom, and KNEW it was a bottom. However, I didn't really know what to do. I had just sold my ethers for bitcoin, and didn't zoom out enough on the chart to realize the significance of what I was seeing, until a bit later...and then I slowly went long 100% of the bitcoin I had in Bittrex. But I was too aggressive and got stopped out...was too scared to give it enough room since I didn't quite get in at the bottom. Oh man.

I realize what the problem was...I just wasn't serious about trading then. I mean, I was partially serious. That's the reason for the previous post...it shows how messed up I was. It basically marks a shift in mindset, where I decided that I needed to be a serious trader. That I needed to treat this like a real business. I had heard it before, but hadn't really done it.

And honestly I am watching things like a hawk now. There's absolutely no way I can not be successful in the long run, like this, if I SPEND THE TIME in front of the charts and take opportunity as it is presented. That's all this game---I had a huge, visceral reaction to typing that. I used to call this a game. And that semi-seriousness has been the result of most of my pain in this business. TRADING IS NOT A GAME. THIS IS NOT A GAME. NOT A GAME!

TRADING IS NOT A GAME. This is serious. Life or Death.

Trading really is life or death for me. It's very easy to lose money, and if I am going to be responsible for millions and millions of dollars, I don't have latitude to "fuck around"

So anyway, my crypto portfolio has been really suffering. I took all my money out of alts when bitcoin was rallying. At the wrong time! I didn't understand the dynamics of trading. You buy when it's cheap, sell when high. Don't dump after having endured a very long decline and just waking up to that fact when there are reasons for the underlying to rebound. Anyway, First GOOD trade (or at least position) I've entered was TRX through Liqui. But I used my LTC to do that. So essentially just replaced a 3x gain in one position with a 3x gain in another. :/ Definitely missed out on the Ethereum. Oh yeah, back to that soon.

The other thing that happened to really change my Psyche was the investing sessions I've been having with OJ. These are very important. What's important about them is the learning that's been involved. These stimulate the brain and are SO IMPORTANT. Basically for awhile there we were watching videos every night, or every other night--videos by respected teachers in the community. Who have experience and have done very well for themselves. I really need to keep these up, they have precipitated a revolution! Watching these things along would be alright, but with someone is massive.

Side thought--VR is going to be huge. AR. With this technology we'll be able to do things together without being physically present. This is going to be insane. It's going to give us the illusion of presence. The MS holo-lens allows these kinds of things.

Man, That's what I'm going to do with the 2nd or 3rd room in my house--hey, maybe just to the living room because I only plan on having 2 bedrooms: and the plan is for 1 to be an office.

Oh man, another reason to do the computer programming. But seriously, being able to have virtual meetings from our homes is definitely something I will subscribe to. This will precipitate and interesting kind of world. The home will become the essence of all things for some--we'll just hole up. Have groceries etc delivered robotic-ally. Interact with people.

Man, you know virtuix? I invested in them right. On my wish list is one of their--or a competitor's platform, so that I can play a virtual shooter. Really I don't care for video games. Nor do I like war...hmm...is there something else I can do then with this tech? Because the idea is to get good exercise of the body, and good exercise of the brain, while at the same time fighting with team-mates. The whole point is for this to be a social experience. I just don't know about bringing the games into the picture. Just don't know if the brain can handle making progress in both a virtual world and a real world. Perhaps this can be a night-time activity...but I'm hoping I can make this my daily exercise, and have the comradare, and it will hopefully be realistic so I'll learn better fighting skills. Better teamwork. You know, the whole 9 yards. But it ONLY makes sense if it's virtual reality--otherwise the exercise component just isn't there, which is what's required to make it worthwhile. It would be nice to do this with a companion though. I suppose that's where the wife is supposed to come in...she has to have similar interests...there HAS to be synergy there. Ah, that is in the future perhaps. Not something to concern myself with now.

For now, watching stock market videos while lifting dumdbells will have to suffice!--And this is probably a better use of time anyway. Watching these videos while exercising. Yeah.

So back to eth...here is the chart. I could have doubled the amount of bitcoin I have most likely...and actually have a full bitcoin. It's unfortunate I didn't take advantage of this properly. However, there will be another chance, somewhere, somehow. These chances are often few and far between. But I know there are some out there right now. And that's where the "if unsure, take more risk" comes in--I'm often reluctant to jump on really good setups, but that's exactly what's required--jumping. Speed. Timing is everything in this business.

Just made the worst trade of my life.

Bitcoin futures launch on Sunday. That was projected to take the premium (which was ~70% in one instance) out of GBTC...and it had. The fund closed Friday at 10% premium, squarely. I had gotten in at THE WRONG TIME...I bought at the fucking high just like a noob. Right before I went to take the GRE exam too. So I had all this stress at the GRE exam as a result.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a brain. I had snap-adopted the new philosophy "if unsure what to do, take more risk" because I wanted to trade, wanted to get those gains, and apparently couldn't wait.

SO the result today is GBTC DEFLATED another 10% today, wiping 5% off my accounts. Also, bitcoin is in a holding pattern. GBTC is now trading at a 10% premium to NAV, one of the lowest in history, and it is not likely to ever be high again.

I could easily have sold this morning and gotten out with only minor lumps too! But the main question is why in the world would I subject myself to so much uncertainty (except for believing in the parabolic chart-evidence) and potential damage in order to potentially make a few bucks...and alleviate my pain that "funds were not invested"...CASH IS A POSITION! A STRONG ONE, ONE FROM WHICH OTHER ACTION CAN BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.

But apparently I wanted the pain. I wanted my clients to feel the pain. I have a fiduciary responsibility. I cannot justify stupid trades like these!!! I am definitely overtrading as well...and poorly at that.

And now, the futures will launch over the weekend, and the whole market is in a holding patter...this could potentially be the biggest crash EVER...except that the futures have limit-down halts...which I just read last 2-5 minutes.

Everyone is saying the ride will be "wild": https://www.cnbc.com/2017/12/08/no-one-is-sure-whether-bitcoin-futures-will-pop-or-drop-at-the-start-but-it-should-be-wild.html

And I just put myself square in the middle of it, for no good reason. Setting all gains this year up for wipe-out, potentially.

In any case, this will definitely be a historic moment in my history of trading.

Now perhaps I'm delusionally imagining/hoping for a wildly optimistic scenario where Bitcoin rallies tremendously to heights never-before-seen...after some trading, because a syndicate of whales have decided to fuck Wall-Street, especially if futures begin to go short. But really, although this is not completely out of the question, it is not possible. Since Wall-Streeters will simply have stop orders. Yes they may lose money, but they will keep the losses reasonable. So my final hope is dashed.

More than likely, the coin will plummet. Now I must decide what I'm going to do as a result--I could hold...I was going to say this was more than likely in my personal accounts, but in truth, it is not. I will change bitcoin into something else if futures are unfavorable...and from the contract specifications, http://cfe.cboe.com/cfe-products/xbt-cboe-bitcoin-futures/contract-specifications, this will occur at 5PM central time on Sunday under ticker XBT

Everyone will be watching their screens. If the coin plummets for more than 15 minutes, I will--what will I do? I will send half my money to litecoin...which has shown strength...and half to Tethers? What is the goal here: goal is to preserve capital, not make money--yet. We'll plan on buying near the bottom of the first move, and thus do that later. So the first goal is to preserve capital, and Tethers are the best way to do this in the crypto-world. In fact, it might be good to pre-emptively position into tethers because I will likely get a bad price if futures start to tank things. However, there is still the possibility that futures will not crush the coin, and in this case prices should continuing their technical recovery and begin to rise again. So I am definitely taking a risk here...in line with my previous mantra, because honestly  I think it's the only way to get ahead...at least that's what I've been observing...the only way to buy at/near the bottom in some cases, etc. However, it should also work both ways--making me quick to not only act to buy, but also to sell if there is reason for concern. I should be able to take the "bigger risk" and NOT book profits instead of bigger risk propensity for taking losses.

However, there have also been a significant amount of "take profits" which could result in a panick up...which is what I'm betting on I guess, the way I'm positioned.

Oh well, I've set myself up for it, nothing I can do in the meantime but wait, so best to get on with my life. We'll navigate when the time comes.

So long mates!

EDIT 12-19-17: This trade actually made me nearly $5K or 25% of my account balance. Although it worked out in the end, it was still too much of a gamble, I cannot take such risk in the future. It's probably sad, but the lockup actually contributed to profitability because I may have bailed otherwise. This is testament to the ability to hold, which I need to develop as well.